Layer Seventeen - New Moon

The deeper I dig into my heart, the more I am constantly amazed by the ways my mindset has changed. I feel as though every bit of what I thought was solid was actually a facade of stability. A fake truth. A destructive mindset is hidden as a fact. Uncovering the real truth has left me on shaky ground, only to be rebuilt on a solid foundation.

Just about every conversation I had with friends during my younger years led to the same facts. Husband and wife revolve around each other. Sure, there were differences in opinions on roles and dynamics, but there was a spoken, and sometimes unspoken, understanding that each spouse was to hold the other as a priority above all else.

Going into our marriage, I knew that he was the head of the house and that he was the one who should be making decisions. I didn’t feel like I really pushed against that in our marriage. I was happy to try to be a good wife by showing him my support and helping him achieve his goals. I always visualized our worlds revolving around each other. I believed our goals would mesh together, our dreams for the future would naturally be the same, and lastly, we would decide to move forward on big future things, always in agreement.

Until plural.

The understanding of plural marriage shifted my world completely. It shifted what I thought I understood about our marriage. I came to the realization that it really wasn’t about whether I agreed or disagreed on things. It wasn’t my role. He is the leader, and I am the follower. That is hard to accept when it is something you really do not want to do. Submission isn’t submission if it is something you would want to do anyway. I had a major shift in my mindset that I had to make. In all other areas of my life, submission wasn’t a struggle, but once the idea of throwing another woman into the mix became an area I had no control over, well, that was just a tough pill to swallow.

For the longest time, I couldn’t imagine someone coming into a new marriage with my husband that I would have to be equal with. I understand that is how it should be and that it was important for me to get to the place of accepting that, but to say I did not struggle with frustration by it wouldn’t be true. I didn’t understand how to view another wife as being equal if she had not had the time invested in the relationship like I had.

But, you see, it’s because of my mindset. I still saw my husband and I revolving around each other. I pictured someone coming in and disrupting the normal ebbs and flows of our relationship. Like a comet hitting us off our axis. Shaking up what we had.

But I had it wrong all along. My husband doesn’t revolve around me. I revolve around him.

God has allowed me to see a beautiful picture in our solar system to remind me of where I belong in my proper role as a wife. As all the planets revolve around the sun, likewise, a husband needs to be centered on God alone for directing his path. Wives are like moons; we revolve around our husband and follow his orbit around the sun. By revolving around our husband, we also revolve around Christ. It’s not up to a moon where a planet’s path leads. A moon simply revolves around its own planet. A moon doesn’t decide if it’s an only moon or a plural moon. It just is. It becomes unnatural if a moon were to try to be a planet or a planet were to try to be the sun. Each has a special purpose and should not strive to be that which it is not. Each wife is a reflection of how Christ shines in her life. When we embrace the role God has given us and orbit around the man God brought us to, we have the ability to light up the darkness and shine with the beauty He has given us. And in doing so, we make our husband proud to call us his own.

When a husband and his wife or wives put their focus in the appropriate places, a marriage will shine.

Be the moon and inspire people even when you are far from full. K.Tolnoe