As I wrote this entry, I was curled up on the couch, soaking up the heat from the fire in our wood stove. The fire would crackle and pop as the heat radiated across the room. Occasionally, as I processed my thoughts, I would get up to stand in front of the flames and let the heat seep into the depths of my bones. There was a light drizzle of rain falling off our metal roof as spring was beginning to emerge and the winter snow was finally melting away.Â
The comfort and warmth of a well-kept fire has a drawing effect. People tend to congregate around a fire, be it a campfire, a fire in a fireplace, or a fire in a wood stove. It is enticing to watch the beauty of the flames dance and glow. On the coldest of days this past winter, you could frequently find one of us sitting near the fire, soaking up the heat while gazing out a window and watching the snow fall on our property, or warming back up from the bone-chilling cold while working outside.Â
A good woman is like a warming fire. When she is refined, fed the Word, tended with love, and contained within the appropriate confines of her emotions, she brings forth light, comfort, warmth, peace, and beauty. She becomes enticing and pleasant to be around. Her husband finds contentment with her.
On the contrary, a contentious woman left to her own devices is like a wildfire. She will burn through anything in sight and continue until nothing is left. Though she may still contain the same elements, she is destructive in nature and brings forth devastating consequences. She brings forth tremendous heat and grave destruction. Ultimately, she has a repelling effect.Â
Through the years, sadly, I have felt my own heart become the latter. I let bitterness and anger set in. I could feel a distinct destructive behavior burning in my heart. I did not want to see my husband’s heart burn with sweet love for another woman. I, in return, let my heart become like a wildfire. I saw my path of destruction begin to rage out of control, and part of me didn’t know how to stop myself from burning the life he built with me. It’s such an odd predicament internally. I wanted to just go back to a happy life before plural, but I also knew that was not a possibility anymore. Not knowing how to tame the fire inside my heart or how to move forward, I wanted him to just go up in smoke with me. I would have never admitted that feeling, and I tried with every fiber of my being to overcome and work through the internal struggle I was facing to tame the raging fire. But the fire was there nonetheless, and it was burning down our house.Â
Through loving kindness and at times fire extinguishers and bulldozers, my husband and God have redirected my flames. They have set up perimeters and reminded me of my God-given boundaries as a wife. This wild forest fire of a wife is back in the confines of the wood stove, doing my best to bring comfort to this home without making it go up in smoke.
Love is a choice. The initial sparks in a relationship will help to set your love on fire, but it is the day-in, day-out choice of feeding the fire that determines how your fire will continue to burn. Feed your marriage-fire with seasoned wood, not gasoline.
As a first wife, I encourage all other women facing the possibility of plural marriage to not allow the anger of this change in your life to spark destructive flames in your marriage, in your children’s lives, and in your relationship with a potential co-wife. Sure, some damage can be fixed, but sometimes too much damage occurs and you are left in ruins by the workings of your own hands. Don’t let your emotions be the fuel for a destructive fire.
In the midst of my hardest season, by reminding myself that love is a choice, I was able to refocus on the times my heart burned with love for my husband. I remembered the warm, comforting fire in my heart that burned for him, not against him—the kind of fire that brings you out of the cold and brings you home.Â
Entice your husband with the beauty of your fire for him. Ignite that beautiful flame and let it dance. Let it burn.